Then for me there is losing myself in a good book. The kind of book where you don't want to do anything else but find out what happens to these characters next. Before you know it, you've missed 2 meals because you couldn't be bothered to put the book down. I love to get lost in a story. I can forget whatever is going on in my life for just a bit and get totally involved in someone else's story for a while. It's this way with movies, too. I love me some Hallmark movies. I am always guaranteed a happy ending with those movies. Sometimes you just need a predictable happy ending. I'm a sucker for a royal story line. I think because it satisfies my inner princess fantasy that almost every girl has at one point in their life.
Another thing that helps me is writing. Writing is a great way for me to get my thoughts out and feel better. It helps me process and make sense of things going on in my life. It's a one-sided conversation with myself. I can complain as much as I want. I can boost my self-esteem as much as I want. I can vent and just let it all out in writing. I think that's why I blog. It gives me an outlet to let stuff out. It also gives it a sense of permanence. I can look back years from now and see how I felt at a given time in my life. I look back on junior high and high school Ashley writings and smile. The crazy life of teenage Ashley and early 20s Ashley are interesting. I remember her. I remember her thoughts, feelings, and life. I want to go back and tell her that she didn't need to cry over the fact that she isn't part of the "in crowd" and that people are teasing her for her weight. 10 years from now you will feel comfortable in your skin. You will have many friends and people that love you and want to be around you. You are worthy. You are a good person. I want to go back and tell her she doesn't need to cry over the many boys that have disappointed her and made her feel like she will never find her special someone. I want to tell her to just hold on a while longer because there is a man coming who will adore you above all others and make you feel loved and cherished in ways you never imagined.
I'm hoping in 10 years when I look back on my blogs and my journals that Over 40 Ashley will want to tell me that I didn't need to cry over the fact that I haven't had success at motherhood because your perfect baby was just taking a while longer than you thought. What else will Over 40 Ashley have to say to me?
Finally, the thing that makes me most happy is music. Especially singing. I've loved to sing since I was a little girl. My parents tell me of all my singing exploits as a child. One of my favorite pictures of me as a child is me in sweats and shades with a walkman hanging on my neck and a toy broom as a microphone. I'm just singing my heart out. Or that time when I was about 5 years old and I went up on stage at the Meadow Musical and sang "Cathy's Clown" in front of an audience. Or when my mom was so proud of my Spanish song I learned in 4th grade that she wanted me to perform it for everyone. And then there's my dad reminding me of my adorable version of Patty Loveless' "Chains" and how I would sing in the back of the car: "Chains, chains, chackles (shackles) and chains." I have been known to sing and dance around my kitchen to country music when no one is home. I like to pretend that I'm a country music star. It's fine. It makes me feel better. I can just get lost in a song. Don't even get me started on car karaoke. I'm the queen! I also love singing worship hymns. I get all kinds of excited when there is a singing get together or a song service at church. I'm there every time! I never pass up an opportunity to sing. We had a rough week, so last night's singing get together with friends was much needed. Sitting in a small space with about 30 other like-minded people singing hymns of worship will instantly lift your mood.
Not exactly the picture I described, but close enough! It's clear to see how I love to jam out!
So, this week I've been using all my methods to help me deal with all the emotions. It has actually helped. Now, I think I have a Hallmark movie waiting on me......
