What's your Therapy?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what helps me when I'm not at my happiest? What makes Ashley feel better? Different people have different things they do when they need a lift in their spirits. I've been on an emotional roller coaster these past few months. Highs and lows abound. I started thinking the other day about what makes me happy. I mean, truly happy. Being around friends that really know me and know what I need. They have that instinct knowledge about when I need to just talk and vent and when I need to be distracted with fun and humor. I have a select few people in my life that know how to walk that line.

Then for me there is losing myself in a good book. The kind of book where you don't want to do anything else but find out what happens to these characters next. Before you know it, you've missed 2 meals because you couldn't be bothered to put the book down. I love to get lost in a story. I can forget whatever is going on in my life for just a bit and get totally involved in someone else's story for a while. It's this way with movies, too. I love me some Hallmark movies. I am always guaranteed a happy ending with those movies. Sometimes you just need a predictable happy ending. I'm a sucker for a royal story line. I think because it satisfies my inner princess fantasy that almost every girl has at one point in their life.

Another thing that helps me is writing. Writing is a great way for me to get my thoughts out and feel better. It helps me process and make sense of things going on in my life. It's a one-sided conversation with myself. I can complain as much as I want. I can boost my self-esteem as much as I want. I can vent and just let it all out in writing. I think that's why I blog. It gives me an outlet to let stuff out. It also gives it a sense of permanence. I can look back years from now and see how I felt at a given time in my life. I look back on junior high and high school Ashley writings and smile. The crazy life of teenage Ashley and early 20s Ashley are interesting. I remember her. I remember her thoughts, feelings, and life. I want to go back and tell her that she didn't need to cry over the fact that she isn't part of the "in crowd" and that people are teasing her for her weight. 10 years from now you will feel comfortable in your skin. You will have many friends and people that love you and want to be around you. You are worthy. You are a good person. I want to go back and tell her she doesn't need to cry over the many boys that have disappointed her and made her feel like she will never find her special someone. I want to tell her to just hold on a while longer because there is a man coming who will adore you above all others and make you feel loved and cherished in ways you never imagined.
I'm hoping in 10 years when I look back on my blogs and my journals that Over 40 Ashley will want to tell me that I didn't need to cry over the fact that I haven't had success at motherhood because your perfect baby was just taking a while longer than you thought. What else will Over 40 Ashley have to say to me?

Finally, the thing that makes me most happy is music. Especially singing. I've loved to sing since I was a little girl. My parents tell me of all my singing exploits as a child. One of my favorite pictures of me as a child is me in sweats and shades with a walkman hanging on my neck and a toy broom as a microphone. I'm just singing my heart out. Or that time when I was about 5 years old and I went up on stage at the Meadow Musical and sang "Cathy's Clown" in front of an audience. Or when my mom was so proud of my Spanish song I learned in 4th grade that she wanted me to perform it for everyone. And then there's my dad reminding me of my adorable version of Patty Loveless' "Chains" and how I would sing in the back of the car: "Chains, chains, chackles (shackles) and chains." I have been known to sing and dance around my kitchen to country music when no one is home. I like to pretend that I'm a country music star. It's fine. It makes me feel better. I can just get lost in a song. Don't even get me started on car karaoke.  I'm the queen! I also love singing worship hymns. I get all kinds of excited when there is a singing get together or a song service at church. I'm there every time! I never pass up an opportunity to sing. We had a rough week, so last night's singing get together with friends was much needed. Sitting in a small space with about 30 other like-minded people singing hymns of worship will instantly lift your mood.

Not exactly the picture I described, but close enough! It's clear to see how I love to jam out!

So, this week I've been using all my methods to help me deal with all the emotions. It has actually helped. Now, I think I have a Hallmark movie waiting on me......

2017 In Review

I've been a blogger slacker as of late. I knew that I had to do my annual "State of the Browning's" address and recap our 2017 and give some 2018 hopefuls!

January:

We started off by celebrating the birthday of my best gal pals, Christy and Misty. We went to a concert at Billy Bob's after dinner. We couldn't even make it through the whole show because we were all exhausted (hello over 30)! I remember the days us girls could stay up until 5 AM and still function the next day at work and school like it was nothing. Not the case anymore. Not much else went on in January. I tried really hard to maintain my fitness goals, but I was a complete failure (and still am a year later).

Since I couldn't find our current photo to upload, we have throwbacks of the TRIO circa 2004-ish!

February

Again, pretty uneventful. We did a couple's painting class (the only one of the year) and celebrated Jude's 2nd birthday.

March

I went to Dallas with the girls from my old school (Thread shout out)! We had a great time exploring Dallas and eating all the yummy things. Leigh Anne and I went to see our favorite podcasters live in Grapevine. Mr. B and I got new hardwood floors in our living room and bedroom. I'll be paying on those for the next 3 years! But they sure look better than what we had.

April

I don't remember April being all too exciting. We had a gender reveal party for Misty and Adrian. We found out that Stella Grace was going to join us in September! Since apparently I can't seem to find a picture to upload commemorating this event other than Adrian surrounded by a cloud of pink smoke, I shall post a picture of Jude on Easter since he looked so adorable!

May

I had quit CG and started working out with my girl, Debbie, in her garage. I had joined Weight Watchers (which, update, I failed horribly at throughout the year and am going to try for redemption this year). We had Comic Con at school and end of year ceremonies. I finished my first year at PVE and LOVED every bit of it! I survived indoor field day. I hosted my first Lularoe party to feed my addiction and get free clothes. Oh yeah, and I dyed my hair pink on the last day of school. #becauseican

June

This is where I kicked off my summer break from school. I went to a family reunion and brought Jude back for the week while the rest of my family went to Tennessee. We had so much fun with him for the week. We were sad to see him go home. We spent time with our friends and had cookouts and shopping adventures. Our annual pool party got rained out, but we had game night and good food instead. This would be our last "kid free" party. Mr. B and I took a trip to San Francisco and loved every minute of it! It was a nice chilly break from the Texas heat.

July

This month I decided to trade in my little 2012 Civic and upgrade to a 2016 CR-V. I had a feeling I would need a bigger car soon. (Stay tuned because I was right)! I finally got a red car, something I'd always wanted! Mr. B and I celebrated our lucky 7th wedding anniversary. We had dinner in our usual spot and celebrated in NOLA a few days later. We also made a trip to ATX to love on our nephews! At the end of the month, we showered Misty and Adrian with love and presents as we prepared for the arrival of Stella Grace.

August

This month brought the beginning of a new school year. I was excited to start back up and not be the "new kid" anymore at work. I also got to teach just Math and Science this year. So far, I'm loving it! Not a whole lot went on this month since I was in back to school mode. However, Christy said "yes to the dress" this month! It was fun helping her pick out her wedding dress!

September

This month brought about our whirlwind of life changing events. Misty and Adrian welcomed Stella Grace on Labor Day. She had her first full on blowout the first time I met her! I can't wait to share that story with her when she grows up! Mr. B and I decided that we were ready to add to our family. We made the decision to begin the adoption process. Our friends, Kelli and James, gave us the information we needed and the people to contact. Our home study was done at the end of September. Things started moving really fast after that! Mr. B's parents made our front porch look beautiful so our visitors would have something nice to look at upon entering our home. 

October

We continued to work on our adoption paperwork and take pictures and get things signed and sent off. Our home study report was completed. We were now ready, or so we thought. What we needed next was our adoption profile to show prospective birth parents. I had this crazy idea that I would just do it myself. Ha! I'd soon find out that I wasn't even close to being up to the challenge. We also celebrated Mr. B's 32nd birthday. We ate some BBQ down town and enjoyed some cupcakes. We had a character parade at school. Our team was the cast from the Wizard of Oz. Since I owned a pair of red heels, I dressed as Dorothy! Only I claimed to be her blonde cousin.

November

This was the month where the adoption process really started taking off. We went to our first Sacred Selections fund raiser in Dallas. We were completely astounded and amazed at what transpired there. We felt so blessed to be a part of this organization and to receive support from them on our adoption journey. This organization helps Christian couples fund the big costs of adoption. They are non-profit and get all their funds from donations and fundraisers. 

Want more info? Check out their website: Sacred Selections

You can even make donations to help us on our journey. If you choose the PayPal method, just type our name in the comment box after entering payment info!

This is where we found out that our profile needed to be done before we could be chosen. We were blessed by members of our church who helped us get this done ASAP. We received our first intake the day before Thanksgiving. Our profile was completed the day after Thanksgiving. We were shown 3 more intakes that next week. Lucky number 4 was the one that chose us! They weren't kidding when they said it would go fast! This baby is due in January!!!!

Oh yeah, we also celebrated Thanksgiving with our parents! We bought our annual holiday ornament. This year we focused on faith and hope. We wanted to symbolize our adoption journey! Misty and I finally said "yes to the bridesmaid dress" this month, too!

December

Naturally, we are still on baby train! I'm trying to stay calm and realistic about everything. I've had too many bumps in my road when it comes to trying to be a mom, so I'm being cautiously optimistic! I've seen the power of God working in the lives of several women who've also had a bumpy journey to motherhood, so I know He will provide and He is faithful! We made our adoption announcement at our church holiday party and at my work. I wrote up a little poem to announce it. It's kinda my thing. I do love to rhyme! We celebrated my 32nd birthday this month in true tradition! We also did our other December traditions like looking at Christmas lights with our Starbucks Caramel Apple Spice. We went to the wedding of one of Mr. B's cousins. I went home to celebrate Christmas with my family since Mr. B couldn't get off work. Then I brought Jude back with me to spend the week with us while we celebrated Christmas with Mr. B's family. Then my family closed out the year with us this past weekend. They had a scary journey home with all the ice and snow, but they made it back safely!

So what's new for 2018?

Well, Lord willing we will bring our baby back home. We are waiting on the call to fly out and meet him (at least, we think it's a "him"). We have an empty bedroom that needs to be baby ready. That may or may not get done before we leave. I'm going to enjoy this final week of my winter break. Mr. B and I are going to enjoy these final 2 weeks as a duo before we welcome our new addition. We look forward to all the new people we will meet on this journey and all the people who get to share this journey with us. This is a long awaited chapter for us......we are praying all goes well and His will be done in all things. Oh yeah, I also plan to eat healthy and workout. Because after all, that is the standard "New Year's Resolution", right? That, and Debbie will give me major side eye if I don't include that in my plans for this new year! I need someone to keep my honest!

So here's to a great 2018 filled with new adventures!